"Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

So it's time for a bit of a self healing rant about love in general. I want to try to limit my complaining about women/love/relationships just because i feel like an idiot but i suppose it does count as self healing. So i haven't personaly been in a relationship for at least two years now, between my time spent single and more unrequited loves in my life than i can count on one hand i've had a rough time of love. I used to be a huge romantic i really was. In highschool before i realized how bitter and illogical love is i was a big time supporter of love at first site, romance etc.. i used to read romeo and juliet and the beatles now i listen to Nine Inch Nails. So for some reason for the past couple of weeks it has been incredibly easy for me to slip into depression. I'm starting to believe it is tied in with some other medical issues i have and a warning sign of things to come but not sure. Unrequited love seems to be the daily special everyday; I continually take chances on women i find attractive, end up falling for them, and tend to be left a month or so later with unrequited love and maybe a little less money from wasted dinners or movies.

If only women walked around with an "i'm interested" sign life would be easier, for the first time in quite a while i met a woman towards the end of last semmester that was genuinly interested in me. We have loads in common, there's no question about attraction, she loves talking to me and said she likes me and yet somehow that's not enough to warrant a simple kiss or going out. I should be more warry about women telling me they're attracted to me and or that they like me, i've been lied to in the past for stupid immature reasons. I'm just growing very sick of maybe and what ifs, i see friends and strangers happily in love and they make it so easy...why is it so difficult for me to find a decent girlfriend? It's not that i need a relationship to live, it's just that when i'm in love and in a relationship it's a happiness that nothing else touches it's like a drug and i've been addicted since the first time i said "i love you". College seemed like the best possible place to meet women what with classes and being sorrounded by at least a thousand people but it's not the case. It's like living in New York, everyone is so focused on their own life their own problems that they aren't willing to even remotely open up to anybody around them. It doesn't pay to be an honest, caring, loving guy in this world anymore, i would say being an asshole is what women want but that's not even always true. Any comments on the current situation would be appreciated, like i said she's been honest with her feelings (another reason she's so special) and i've been honest with mine and we agree on everything except she doesn't seem to feel a relationship spark. How somebody can find somebody unbelievably attractive, automatically smile whenever they're around and want to talk to them all the time and yet claim there's no spark is beyond me. I know things will change, i know i won't be alone forever, and i know i'll move to Boston and probably find the woman of my dreams but right now my one wish is to be with the woman whose invading my dreams currently. That's enough ranting for now. I promise these sappy ass whiney rants about love won't happen often. It's time for a cigarette in the snow. Ciao

"A woman's heart is as fickle as the sky of Ganymede."